How to NOT to get laid in law school–Guy’s Edition

Happy Valentine’s Day! Dating in law school is like getting sentenced to 3 years of celibacy: lack of time, lack of potential, lack of money, etc.

So I figured that Valentine’s Day was the perfect time to highlight the funny, yet typically true awkward dating behaviors of law students.

Guys Edition:

I listed some dating behavior that can guarantee you’ll be jerking off to your torts book. I hope this post is not only humorous, but informative so that you can recognize these antisocial tendencies and fix them to improve your dating life.

• If you’re trying to seduce a non-law student, STOP bragging about being in law school. Nothing is sexy about being $120K in debt, having a limited social life, and probably being forced into going to the tool-ish law school social events.

• For the love of God, Allah, Dalai Lama … DO NOT talk about the law when conversating with the fairer sex. For fellow law students, last thing they want to hear to get them in the mood is intentional torts. Negative points for bringing up the string of cases that charge someone with tort liability if they knowingly infect someone with an STD. For non-law students, you’re not going to get any tail by discussing the fee tail. Zzzzzz.

• Talking about your self … ad nauseum. It’s a known fact that lawyers love to hear themselves talk. But, you’re a law student. You may pretend to be doing all kinds of mad advocating in your firm, but we know the truth … you’re a photocopying guru–if there’s a paper jam, the attorneys now come to you instead of waiting for tech. So, stop being an attention whore and at least pretend to be interested in what the other person is saying.

• Your lack of finances. It’s pretty much a given that if you’re a law student, you’re probably living off student loans. Nothing says “lets get it on” more than potentially having to support your lame ass self.

• Dancing … do not dry hump, do not pull out the lawn mower, cabbage patch, shopping cart moves. If you’re with your wingman, don’t pull “A Night at the Roxbury” move and attempt to play pelvic thrust ping pong with the poor girl.

• Politics, economy, catastrophes. People tend to go out as a form of escapism … not to be informed about the social maladies of the world. You’re probably “cock blocking” yourself when you talk about Obama’s nemesis in the Senate. If you find yourself scratching your head for something to say, why not try something simple like, “you want a drink” or “how ’bout them Cubs?”